I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
