Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
