Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
