Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
