Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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