the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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