I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
