haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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