Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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