apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
