My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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