tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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