I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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