Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
