get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
