is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
