It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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