hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
is wine microwaveable?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
