that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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