you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
