be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
it's great music for shaving your balls
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
