Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
