There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
