Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
