Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Randomize
