I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
