It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
