I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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