I want to walk on stilts...naked
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
