i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
