I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
