Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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