Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
