So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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