sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
i think my cat just said my name.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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