I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Randomize
