Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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