laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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