im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
