About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
