What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
either way he was missing a nipple.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
