Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
