if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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