It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
