apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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