Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
