she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
