Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
