i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
