so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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