scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
oh god was she eating orange peels again
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
