last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
