I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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